Dari Hutang Ratusan Juta Sampai “Ngopi” Karena Allah
Oleh: Abimikail
Bismillah wal hamdulillah. Saya tulis surat ini dengan dengan cinta yang sangat bersahaja. Dengan cinta itu pula lah, kalau orang lain panggil ustadz, punteun ya kalau saya panggil Mamang. Jangan ngambek ya Mang. Karena kalau Mamang marah, nanti sewaktu main ke rumah, tidak “lucu” sekiranya saya tidak dikasih kopi lagi. Sebab kalau lagi ngopi bareng Mamang. Saya sering sempoyongan dalam kebesaran Allah. Pada setiap gelas kopi ada secangkir kebesaran Allah yang bikin trance, mabuk ketuhanan, atau fana’ dalam tradisi sufi. Segala konsep kebanggaan diri cair, persis seperti lagu Bengawan Solo: mengalir sampai jauh.
Saya memanggilnya Mang Nur, Mamang itu seperti pak le’ bagi orang Jawa. Saya ingat dulu pada satu peristiwa “lucu” ketika tertipu ratusan juta rupiah. Dan Punya utang ratusan juta juga. Salah satu guru sepuh -sebetulnya saya pengen tulis guru tua. Tapi, ah.. nanti Mamang ngga kasih kopi lagi kalau main ke sana- di SD Islam Cikiwul al-Hamidiyah, Cikiwul Bekasi ini pernah ngebejek-bejek kesadaran saya. Kalau punya kakak perempuan tolong lebih di perhatikan, begitu Mamang ingetin.
Halus banget. Tapi saya seperti di gergaji. Saya yang ketika itu tengah tertipu, terpelanting dan terjerat “semak belukar” hutang seperti dibetot kembali. Tak hanya tentang kakak. Dosa juga alfa, Satu per satu Allah hamparkan di fikiran. Oh ini toh akar masalahnya. Tapi ini bukan Mang Nur. Ini Allah nih. Allah yang merendahkan diri. Allah yang “meminjam” suara Mamang untuk mengingatkan. Mang, saya dugem : duh gemetar waktu itu. Mamang ngga mungkin tahu. Sebab hanya Allah, keluarga, tetangga juga orang terdekat yang tahu kalau saya punya kakak perempuan yang “istimewa.” ini gimana matematikanya? Fisikanya seperti apa? Metode ilmiah sebelah mana yang dipake sampai bisa tahu begini?
Asli, saya bingung Mang. Mungkin seluruh sanak saudara metode ilmiah, termasuk matematika Quantum, fisika nuklir atau ilmu tingkat tinggi manusia bakal terperanjat kalau disuruh mengurai ini. Waktu itu saya jadi “pengen” malu sama Allah. Ya Allah, Ia telah “selesai” dengan dirinya. Sementara saya masih nombok. Saya masih terhuyung-huyung, jangankan untuk cari jati diri. Untuk bayar hutang ratusan juta saja megap-megap.
Saya cemburu banget waktu itu. Saya cemburu karena Allah. Mamang sudah jadi “setetes air” dalam samudera kebesaran Allah. Sementara saya, kalau dalam matematika saya ini minus. Jangan kan jadi sesuatu. Sesuatu yang sudah ada malah hilang digondol orang. Apa yang bisa dibanggain dari orang so’pinter yang ketipu sama orang bodoh? Apalagi Ketipunya ratusan juta, belum lagi hutang yang berhektar-hektar, waduh jadi pengen nyampo nih! Hehe…
Ngga nyambung ya Mang. Maklum aja namanya orang lagi galau. Waktu itu kecerdasan mengkhiyanati saya. Ini akal juga ikut-ikutan “selingkuh” Sebab fikiran saya bersedia begitu saja diperdaya itu penipu. Tapi Segala Puji bagi Allah masih ada yang tersisa, yaitu misi saya untuk secepat mungkin bangkit. Bangun dan bergerak karena Allah. Saya juga punya visi, kalau akar masalah kita didalangi karena faktor X. Maka dengan faktor X pula harus diselesaikan. Kalau saya bekerja normal, sampai banting tulang bagaimana pun atau sampai tulang terbelah tujuh tidak mungkin hutang terbayar. Setelah itu, lama kita tidak silaturahim. Tapi Mamang masih ada di sini, thawaf dalam kesendirian hati. Saya juga sering “goreng” Mamang setiap hari. Apalagi kalau bengong, nasihat Mamang, saya bolak-balik layaknya tempe mendoan. Selama ini saya memang jarang perhatiin yang kecil-kecil. Selalu suka sama segala yang Besar. Bisnis yang besar. Ide-ide yang besar. Proyek-proyek besar. Tapi lalai lapor sama Yang Maha Besar. Astagfirullah!
Saya masih ingat agar “semak belukar” hidup pada meranggas atau biar dapat pertolongan Tuhan, Mamang waktu itu nyuruh saya melafadzkan 40 ribu kali Nama Tuhan dalam semalam. ‘Di sana, Mamang mimpi saya naik ke gunung, tapi ketika mau sampai ke puncak, Mamang lihat saya turun tiba-tiba. Pada saat yang sama, di sini di rumah saya, pada hitungan ke 30 ribu saya tertidur. Saya hilang bentuk. Tubuh saya jadi lebur. Otot, tulang, dan seluruh inci tubuh saya menjadi tiada, yang meraja hanya ayat. Ayat-ayat kebesaran Allah. Ah lagi ngiler aja pake dipuitisasi: pake segala lebur, pake segala tiada. Kalau tidur semua orang juga hilang bentuk. Dasar Paijo!
Setelah 7 tahun saya baru faham fenomena ketiduran itu. Saya kudu “menidurkan” segala tentang nafsu. Segala “keakuan” saya, seluruh “kegenitan” spiritual juga ego intelektual harus hilang bentuk. Saya harus lebur dalam kebesaran Allah dan saya tak boleh ikut membesar. Sebab, itulah tapal batas spiritualitas. Kalau turut membesar berarti ada dualisme kebesaran. Dan sungguh, ini bertabrakan dengan doktrin tauhid. Kalau menurut urang sunda, sama aja ngajak ngesang (ngajak berantem) sama Tuhan.
Mamangku sayang, waham kebesaran ala Sherlok Holmes ini tenyata sebuah jebakan yang lugu ya. Ia innocent, dan halus. Ia lebih lembut dari partikel cahaya. Ia lebih “pemalu” dan lugu dari para putri, perawan kastil yang dipingit dalam kisah romantis abad pertengahan. Saking “lugunya”, Mamang mengingatkan, bahwa banyak tokoh besar dan agamawan besar yang mengalami oksidasi. Tidak sadar kalau tauhidnya sudah jamuran. Dan ketika meraksasa Tuhan -dan segala KebesaranNya- dalam asosiasi mereka turut jamuran. Inilah kutukan yang “menyenangkan”, penyakit para pembesar Astagfirullah
Menurut Mamang saya bakal tidak “lucu” lagi kalau ikut-ikutan begitu. Ketika kita besarkan Allah dan pada saat bersamaan kita harus “rebah berkalang tanah.” Kalau Allah membesar lantas kita rebah, mengecil, meniada, menurut Mamang kita bisa “naik kelas.” Jika para sufi tingkat tinggi naik ke maqam taubat atau Maqam Mahabbah (cinta). Mungkin dari maqam besar si tukang hutang, saya naik jadi maqam pembayar hutang. Bisa begonoh saja itu cukup, Mang.
Biarlah Mang, biar maqam mahabah identik dengan Rabiah al-Adawiyah. Biarlah maqam istiqamah, maqam taubat atau maqamat “langitan” lain menjadi milik para sufi. Biar al Hallaj terpenggal dengan hululnya. Biarlah Ibnu al-Arabi lebur dalam wihdatul wujudnya. BiarlahAbu Said bin Abil Khairmenjadi elangnya danAbdul Qadir Jaelani menjadi singa para sufi. Biarlah saya terpelanting diantara “Telapak Kaki” Kemahaan-Nya. “Telapak-Kaki” Nya Yang Maha Rahman dan Maha Rahim. Cukup bagi saya Allah. Setelah itu baru puas hati bisa sampai maqam pembayar hutang. Kelak, saya ingin naik lagi, saya ingin melanglang buana ke maqam tukang kasih hutang. Dan saya berusaha Ngga akan memaki apalagi melumat mereka yang telat atau males bayar.
Sebab kalau ingat waktu diuber hutang dulu- mereka keji sekali. Itu hari-hari amat ngeri. Ngeri sekali Mang. Pada hal itu duit digondol orang, tidak saya makan. Tidak pula ada ikatan tertulis. Padahal kalau saya wanprestasi, bisa aja jadi si lidah sakti yang cidera janji. Dan segala puji bagi Allah, saya bisa sampai ke maqam itu. Bisa cicil hutang sekaligus kasih teman ngutang. Lucunya lagi, 99 persen dari mereka, pura-pura lupa atau dalam bab salat mereka tengah “menstruasi” dari hutangnya. Tapi tetap saja, hal ini tidak mengurangi rasa syukur pada Allah. Dan tentu aja terima kasih untuk Mamang. Biar Mamang seneng. Kalau bikin Mamang –atau orang lain- senang, di samping dapat pahala, insyallah Mamang kasih saya lagi kopi. Kita ngopi bareng-bareng lagi karena Allah. Dapat pahala lagi dah! Alhamdulillah….
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