Siapapun pernah bermimpi tentang cahaya. Dalam mimpi itu aku terjga dari kemiskinanku dan menemukan ayah membawa nyala. Sosok ayah –apalagi yang jarang pulang- selalu saja membuat anak-anak tertarik. Tapi nyala yang ayah bawa jauh membuatku lebih tertarik. Karena ayah tak pulang-pulang, “nyala” itu menyadarkanku ketika tersesat pada kesepian dalam rumah kami sendiri. Bahwa aku harus menjadi ayah atas diriku, dan atas kehidupan kami.
Ayah engkau dimana? Engkau kemana? Anak-anakmu bukan ombak yang begitu saja kau hempaskan pada sebuah pantai bernama kehidupan. Mengapa pula kau lontarkan ibu dari kehidupanmu? Katanya, ayah ingin taklukan dunia tapi koq tidak pulang-pulang? Apa nurani ayah, ditarik leasing? Hah! Seluruh kendaraan di bumi ini, boleh ditarik karena tidak mampu nyicil. Tapi untuk sebuah nurani ayah tak boleh gadaikan. Tak elok itu ayah, apalagi hanya demi alasan ekonomi. Harus pada siapa ku letakkan kekaguman ini ketika bocah-bocah lain dengan bangga mengidolakan ayah mereka. Tahu kah ayah betapa hidup kami perih merintih?
Aku seolah tampil dalam pertunjukan sirkus kehidupan. Terhuyung-huyung terseok diantara kemiskinan dan kebutuhan untuk bertahan hidup. Aku mengambil alih tanggung jawabmu atas adikku yang masih sangat belia untuk mengenal hidup. Tak pernah ku hiraukan setiap helaan nafas kesulitan ini, aku harus kuat, untuk mempertontonkan kepadamu ayah, bahwa kesulitan akan menjadi sahabatku, akan memahat kekuatanku. Karena kemiskinan kerap memahat kita menjadi manusia.
Setelah engkau kibaskan kami dari kehidupanmu, ibu merantau di Jakarta. Apa saja ia lakukan asal dapat uang halal. Sementara aku hanya berdua di rumah dengan adik. Kami tersesat berdua-duaan pada ketidaktahuan dalam rumah kami sendiri. Kami adalah pengungsi dalam rumah kami sendiri. Tak tahu harus kerja apa? Tak tahu harus makan apa? Dan tak tahu harus bagaimana? Waktu itu usiaku 9 tahun. Coba kau bayangkan Ayah, apa sih yang bisa dilakukan bocah ingusan kelas tiga Sekolah Dasar Sementara pemerintah tak memberi ruang dan rasa hormat yang cukup kepada yang lemah dan kalangan kecil.
Satu dua tahun ku tunggu engkau tak pulang. Ayah, tak pernah ku lupa pada setiap ayunan sabit yang menyemblih sejumput rumput sebagai mata pencaharianku. Setiap ayun yang memercikkan segala kerinduan kami padamu, kalau ayah di sini tak mungkin kami kelaparan begini. Tak usah kami menyabit yang hasilnya pun tak cukup untuk membeli keinginan kami pada sebaskom nasi. Ayah, sejatinya, para tetangga mampu menyabit sendiri. Tapi mungkin sebab kasihan mereka suruh kami menyabit, bantu-bantu panen dan pekerjaan apapun yang mampu menahan kami dari mati kelaparan.
Hasil tak seberapa itu kubelikan beberapa ikat singkong. Ku rebus atau kubakar dan ku makan bersama adik. Itu menu pavorit dan “makan besar” kami setiap hari. Langka sekali kami bertemu apalagi bersentuhan dengan nasi. Kalau pun ada itu mungkin sisa tetangga yang tak habis dimakan. Atau ketika ibu datang menengok dari sisa gajinya yang tak seberapa.
Tapi ayah, panen padi tidak setiap hari. Dan tetangga suruh-suruh menyabit rumput pun tidak setiap hari. Ketika bisnis sepi begini maka kalau kau melihat, muka kami kusut pucat pasi. Ayah, kami lapar dan kondisi ini bertahun-tahun berotasi. Setelah tahun-tahun memilukan itu tubuhku kuat ayah. Aku berteman dengan kesulitan dan bersahabat dengan kelaparan. Tapi tidak dengan adikku. Sesuatu pada alat pencernaannya mengalami kerusakan akut. Ada yang bilang sakit kuning. Maag kronis, ginjal atau apapun itu, adalah buah kisah pilu di seputar fenomena penelantaran orang tua terhadap anak. Berapa banyak lagikah anak-anak seperti kami? Terseok, tersengal dan menangis untuk segala derita yang tak mungkin selesai dengan air mata?
Sini ayah! Ku kisahkan padamu suatu peristiwa hikmah ketika beberapa dokter “berjubah” putih membedah sekuntum bayi suci yang ditelantarkan orang tuanya. Anak tanpa dosa ini lahir dengan kondisi atresiani tinggi dan, sama seperti kami, ia dibuang begitu saja karena orang tuanya tak punya uang. Tahu kah ayah apa itu atresiani tinggi? Sini kubisiki dekat-dekat. Biar ayah tak malu sama orang karena ku yakin ayah tak tahu. Atresiani tinggi adalah kondisi dimana bayi lahir tanpa lubang anus. Ngeri sekali ayah! Ngeri Sekali seandainya aku lahir dalam kondisi itu. Kisah memilukan ini menginspirasiku ayah. Kemiskinan mengalahkan mereka. Kefakiran membunuh bocah tak berdosa itu. Dan fenomena yang memilukan ini tak akan kuperkenankan terjadi dalam kehidupanku. Ayah, tidakkan kau bangga padaku? Lantas bersyukur pada Allah, ayah.
Belajar Dari Pengalaman Suni
Suni, demikian nama ibu dari anak itu, ayah. Usianya waktu itu 40 tahun. Ada senang juga rasa takut yang datang ketika ia akan melahirkan lagi. Walau sudah pengalaman tetap saja bayang-bayang kesakitan melahirkan tidak bisa digadaikan. Hari mendebarkan itu pun tiba 10 Februari 1995 anak dalam tubuhnya tak sabar ingin lihat dunia. Tapi bagian lain dalam perutnya seperti dihantam meriam. Mules yang tak tertanggungkan. Perih luar biasa yang tak juga bisa diwakilkan. Ia merasa ditarik dan terdampar di suatu lantai kesakitan. Ia mengerang. Di tumpuk lagi dengan selantai kesakitan. Tambah kencang lagi Suni mengerang. Kesakitan di atas kesakitan. Suni merasa ditumpuk berlantai-lantai kesakitan.
Menurut Harian Kompas anak tercintanya pun lahir dibantu Rubini, seorang bidan di kawasan Tanjung Priok Jakarta Utara. Senyum mengembang di wajah lelah bidan ini. Tapi senyumnya tidak penuh. Ia seperti mengulum kepahitan. Sisa sisa kesakitan ditubuh Suni masih menganga. Tambah sakit lagi ketika melihat raut wajah Bidan Rubini yang tidak menggembirakan usai memeriksa anaknya. Ada ketakutan baru menyergap begitu saja. Bidan coba menenangkan. Suni senang ketika Bidan Rubini menjelaskan anaknya sehat “Tapi ada kelainan anus pada anak ibu.”
Jantung Suni seperti hape kehabisan batre. Redup. Nyawanya serasa loncat. Tapi ruh itu seakan ditarik kembali setelah Mamat suaminya mengingatkan untuk memuji Tuhan. Jiwa Suni mulai utuh. Tapi ada dua hal yang menyeramkan yang menghantui fikirannya. Seram akan nasib anaknya dan seram membayangkan besarnya biaya pengobatan anaknya kelak. Dari mana nanti biayanya sedang Suni hanya Ibu rumah tangga biasa sementara Mamat suaminya hanya tukang Koran dengan penghasilan tak lebih 3000 rupiah sehari. Cuma cukup untuk makan. Untuk bayar kontrakan pun kurang. Mereka kerap menunggak. Apalagi untuk biaya rumah sakit yang melangit. Suni seperti ditarik ke awan. Tubuhnya masih di bumi tapi fikirannya melayang. Batinnya mengerang.
Tak ada cara lain Bidan Rubini menyarankan merawat anak Suni ke Rumah Sakit Cipto Mangun Kusumo (RSCM). Mamat, suami Suni lantas membawa anaknya dengan taksi ke RSCM. Sampai di rumah sakit bayinya langsung di letakan dalam inkubator dan langsung di suruh menebus obat-obatan. Mamat terhenyak ketika melihat angka yang tertulis di surat tagihan obat. “Semuanya Rp 50. 0000 dan uang saya tinggal Rp 1000,” jelas tukang koran itu sebagaimana dikutip Kompas.
Lima puluh ribu untuk ukuran tahun 1995 cukup besar mungkin setara dengan Rp 500.000 sekarang. Obat itu, lantas dikasihkan ke perawat. Ada pula petugas rumah sakit yang menjelaskan penyakit seperti ini bisanya memakan waktu 3 bulan. Mamat gemetar. Berapa banyak uang yang harus ia keluarkan? Lima puluh ribu kali 3 bulan sama dengan 4,5 juta rupiah. Kalau untuk saat ini mungkin senilai lima puluh juta rupiah. Tukang Koran macem mana yang punya duit segitu banyak. Pusing sekali. Saking pusingnya Mamat pulang dan tak pernah balik-balik lagi.
Adalah tindakan tidak terpuji, jika bayinya “dibuang” begitu saja di rumah sakit. Mamat takut dengan biaya pengobatan anaknya. Di kantong cuma tersisa seribu waktu itu bagaimana kalau nanti disuruh tebus obat lagi? Apalagi penghasilannya Cuma Rp 3000 per hari. Tak mungkin cukup untuk bayar pengobatan. Mereka akhirnya cari pinjaman untuk bisa menebus anaknya yang bahkan karena saking pusingnya belum sempat diberi nama. Tetapi usahanya nihil. Tak ada satupun yang berkenan memberi pinjaman. Tanggal 8 Agustus Suni mendapat surat dari RSCM agar Mereka melunasi utang biaya pengobatan. Biayanya sangat mahal untuk ukuran saat itu Rp 317.500. tapi uang dari mana karena hasil banting tulang setahun dari jual koran bahkan tidak cukup. Mereka tak menyerah, coba lagi cari pinjaman. Tapi hasil tetap nihil. Mamat pusing, Suni pusing, mungkin, menteri kesehatan juga pusing. Suni lantas mengadu ke Beseng, Ketua Rukun Wilayah setempat. Beseng kemudian merekomendasikan “surat miskin” sebagai solusi. Mamat suaminya kontan setuju.
Berbekal surat sakti tersebut ditemani Beseng dengan sumringah Suni datang ke RSCM. Mereka yakin anak Suni yang dilahirkan 10 Februari 1995 bisa digendong pulang. Dia tidak bisa melukis seperti apa wajahya sekarang. Sudah delapan bulan mereka tidak melihat bayi yang belum di kasih nama itu. Ketika menyodorkan “surat miskin” untuk menebus biaya pengobatan dan sekaligus ambil anak, para perawat malah emosi. “Ibu ini gimana? Mengapa punya anak tidak diurus?” serbu perawat dengan ada tinggi. Suni tak berani menjawab ia merasa berdosa.
Tak lama kemudian dengan sisa-sisa amarah yang masih menggantung, mereka menyuruh Suni ke kamar jenazah. Mendengar ini Suni gemetar. Para petugas kamar Jenazah memberitahu anaknya sudah meninggal tanggal 24 Februari 1995. Sunyi menari di Hati Suni. Dan tanpa ampun air matanya meleleh. Tak ada isak. Jerit riuh cuma meraja dalam batin. Ia menahan gaduh walau hati mengaduh. Tak ada raungan yang mengundang perhatian. Tulang belulang suni seperti cair. Sendi-sendi tubuhnya lolos, lunglai dan meleleh. Beseng hanya bisa menguatkan hati sambil berusaha menopang tubuh wanita lemah ini agar tidak terkulai.
Kalau saja mereka berterus terang tak akan begini, RSCM sangat menyesalkankan peristiwa tragis itu. Walau dibuang begitu saja oleh orang tuanya, sebagaimana di lansir Kompas, pihak RSCM tetap melakukan tindakan medis sesuai prosedur. Menurut Kepala Humas Departemen Kesehatan waktu itu, dr Suhaeni bayi Suni sudah di tangani sesuai prosedur kedokteran. Bayi dengan kondisi atresiani tinggi, 24 jam setelah lahir harus dioperasi. Tindakan ini, masih menurut dr. Suhaeni, dilakukan untuk membikin lubang anus buatan. Operasi ini memerlukan izin keluarga. Sayang, pihak orang tua“membuangnya” di RSCM dan cuma meninggalkan dua alamat kepada petugas rumah sakit. Ketika ditelusuri keduanya, tak ketemu, baik alamat orang tuanya atau pun alamat bidan.
Usaha pencarian alamat ini memakan waktu tiga hari. Waktu yang demikian singkat tapi bagi bayi yang di tinggal Suni, ini adalah gerbong waktu nan panjang yang menyakitkan. Inilah satuan masa sarat kesakitan bocah tak berdosa yang dibuang cuma-cuma. Inilah jam-jam penuh tangis bayi tanpa nama. Tangisan yang mengundang kesedihan Izrail. Izrail yang mengusap-usap lembut tubuhnya. Lantas, memeluk dan mencabut nyawanya dengan cinta dan keindahan.
Ayah, bayi itu wafat setelah operasi bedah pembuatan anus. Seharusnya operasi ini dilakukan setelah 24 jam lahir. Tapi malah 3 hari setelah mencari alamat. Operasi ini semestinya ditanda-tangani oleh orang tuanya. Tapi malah ditanda tangani Dr. dr. Achmad Djojosugito Direktur Umum RSCM saat itu. Bagaimana ini, lantas kemana ayah ketika harus menandatangani rapotku? Untung Cuma rapot , jadi tidak perlulah ayah repot. Tidak seperti Mamat suami Suni, tukang koran ini kerepotan sekali mencari jenazah anaknya. Jenazahnya dimana? Dimana pula makamnya? Makam dengan nisan tak bernama pasti susah dicari.
Ayahkan tahu di Jakarta ini makam dengan nisan bernama saja bisa hilang begitu saja ditumpuk jenazah lain. Apalagi nisan tanpa nama. Mau cari dimana? Tapi Dia Yang Maha Pengasih tak berpangkutangan begitu saja, makamnya dalam catatan Kompas diketemukan tanggal 20 September 1995. Jenazahnya dikebumikan setelah 4 hari membeku dalam kamar mayat. Karena jenazah tak juga diambil pihak kamar mayat menguburkan di Taman Pemakaman Umum Budi Darma Jakarta Utara. Tak ada nisan marmer hanya selembar kecil papan bertuliskan “Tak dikenal” dan terdaftar di RSCM dengan nomor 345.
Sebelumnya setelah mengetahui bayi tak bernamanya meninggal, Suni shok. Ketidaktahuannya sungguh salah kaprah. Konsentrasi untuk mencari uang atau utang malah membuat buah hatinya hilang nyawa. Ayah, bukankah suatu keindahan jika ayah jadikan ini pelajaran bahwa hidup tak selalu soal cari uang. Apalagi cari utang. Dan tahu ngga, ayah, Usai dari RSCM sampai pulang ke rumah Suni masih merasa sendi-sendi tubuhnya lolos, lunglai dan meleleh. Bukan itu saja darah juga meleleh dari kehormatannya. Suni mengalami pendarahan hebat. Kesakitan ini mencengkramnya berhari-hari ayah. Coba kalau ini terjadi pada ayah. Bagaimana jika kehormatan ayah mengalirkan darah karena membuang kami. Tapi Tuhan belum kasih restu ayah cicipi kesakitan Suni. Dalam kitab suci Allah selalu diabstraksikan dengan wajah sarat cinta dan keindahan. Ia yang Maha Rahman dan Maha Rahim yang bahkan dengan percikan kerahmanan dan kerahimannya, mengalahkan kebuasan singa atas insting membunuh atau memakan anaknya.
Maka, demi Allah tak ada alasan untuk tidak bersyukur.
Mereka melakukan ini juga karena ketakutan ayah. Bayi Mereka wafat karena ketidaktahuan. Dan tak ada sesiung pun niat untuk membuang. Mereka tak tahu makhluk sejenis apa itu rumah sakit dan bagaimana cara kerjanya. Mereka fikir anaknya bakal anteng-anteng saja. Karena begitu banyak dokter, begitu banyak perawat, begitu banyak orang terlatih yang bakal mengurus anaknya. “Masa sih urus satu anak saja kerepotan.” Tapi Suni dan suami lupa jika bukan hanya satu biji anak saja yang diurus. Tahukah ayah siapa yang salah? Tapi kita tak perlu itu. Kesalahan tidak harus di kodok, dikodek, atau diaduk-aduk. Kesalahan tak perlu dicari. Dengan sendirinya, ia bakal tumbuh dan bersemi. Ketika putik-putik hikmah mulai mengelopak kita hanya di suruh memetiknya. Tinggal petik doang apa sih susahnya!,
Bagi kami cerita Suni seperti tragedi “kisah sial yang lugu.” Coba ayah renungkan. Hebat sekali kata-kata anak mu ini bukan? Tidakkah kisah ini membawamu pulang ayah. “Mungkin ayah sudah wafat,” begitu ibu membesarkan hatiku. Setelah bertahun-tahun kutunggu kau dalam rindu, ayah tetap tak ada kabar berita. Kelurga besar pun berkeyakinan ayah sudah tiada. Dan aku tidak menyerah ayah. Jalan tanah berbatu di kampung kita adalah saksi, betapa bocah ingusan ini harus melewatinya setiap hari dengan kaki telanjang. Pergi sekolah aku telanjang kaki. Bantu-bantu tetangga, bermain dan lain sebagainya tak pernah kakiku di balut sandal apalagi dipeluk lembutnya sepatu mahal. semoga Ayah bangga di alam sana.
Aku tetap semangat sekolah ayah. Sekali pun cuma modal 1 buku untuk beragam pelajaran. Sekalipun cuma bermodal tas dari kantung plastik bekas ibu-ibu belanja di pasar yang ku ikat dengan tali plastik, aku tetap semangat. Walau dari kalangan ekonomi kurang aku tak ingin terbuang, Ayah. Sebab ini zaman orang buang orang. Aku tak ingin terbuang untuk yang kesekian kalinya. Radar lampung mencatat Jumat 31 januari 2014 kakek renta yang tak punya keluarga dibuang dari rumah sakit. Seorang warga kebetulan melihat kakek duafa yang belakangan diketahui bernama Suparman (63) bin Sariun alias Mbah Edi di buang dari ambulan di dekat warung bekas dagang duren. Menurut sumber Radar lampung di Polresta lampung. Bukan kali ini saja. Mereka melakukan aksi entah sudah yang kali ke berapa. Lampung geger! Wajah pengobatan nusantara belang hidungnya.
Setelah puluhan tahun kau buang cuma-cuma, akhirnya kau datang ayah. Setelah segala penghiyanatan itu. Setelah segala keterasingan dan ketakutanku. Setelah segala penderitaan dan pertarunganku mencari makna hidup, setelah kami anggap wafat, kau datang bagai zombi yang menangis. Ayahku yang katanya ingin menaklukan dunia tiba mengiba-iba. Tahukah ayah dalam setiap tetes air mata, dalam setiap kalimat lara yang kutulis di buku lusuh yang kujadikan diary, dalam setiap langkah ketika pedih menggelayuti bocah lemah ini, nama mu selalu ada. Bahkan di antara kerinduan dan ketakutanku, ketika aku berdiri terhuyung-huyung di tengah tarik menarik dua rasa yang memilukan ini kau, ada ayah. Dan selalu ada dalam doa.
Kau lihat ayah. Aku cuma lulus sekolah dasar, dan memang hanya sebatas itu kemampuan bocah bau kencur ini menyekolahkan dirinya sendiri. Tapi aku mampu bangun rumah. Gubuk tinggal kita yang reyot sana sini telah kupugar ayah. Dan telah berdiri gagah. Aku karyawan biasa, bagi kawan juga keluarga, aku lah tempat bertanya. Tempat mereka mengalamatkan seluruh problematika hidup. Tentu juga tempat mencari jawab. Dan Bagi bos atau para atasanku, dimana pun aku bekerja -segala puji bagi Allah- aku selalu jadi orang terpercaya
Akulah ayah atas diriku. Abah bagi hidupku dan bapak atas segala kesulitanku. Tolong ayah kisahkan pada dunia, pada anak-anak lemah yang terpelanting, kesepian dan takut pada ketidaktahuan mereka tentang hidup bahwa ada Allah yang tidak tinggal diam. Jika kemiskinan mengambil senyummu Allah akan membahagiakanmu. Jika dunia tidak mengajarkanmu, Allah akan menyekolahkanmu. Jika kehidupan tak mengindahkan permintaanmu Allah akan Mengabulkanmu. Janji ini pasti, lebih pasti dari mimpi-mimpi di seputar terbitnya matahari. Dan segala puji atas Engkau Dzat yang dalam Genggaman-Mu kerajaan segala sesuatu.
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